I clutch the nearly empty pill bottle to my chest.
I think I took to many this time.
My heart beats wildly in my chest.
This may be it.
Sweat falls into my eyes as I lean against the headboard.
I can’t catch my breath.
My hands start to shake.
I push the thoughts of her away.
She would want me happy, right?
I fight back the feeling of nausea, my nails digging into my scarred leg.
The same old questions pop into my head.
How long would it take them to find me?
How long until they noticed I was gone?
How long until they forget…
I try to calm myself down and pull the heavy blanket over my head.
This may be it.
I hold my breath, waiting until darkness engulfs me.
I wake up hours later, head pounding, mouth dry.
I take out my journal with a wobbly hand and write down the number.
Next time I’ll be sure to take one more.